Grief’s Plus One

💙 Grief’s Plus-One💙

I laugh when I’m uncomfortable 😬. I’m naturally a storyteller, and sarcasm has always been my love language 💬. Pretty sure it started as a survival technique in my family. Now, as an adult, it’s just what happens when things get weird. I laugh at funerals ⚰️, in hospital waiting rooms 🏥, during any moment that feels too heavy to hold 😅.

There’s something about silence that makes my skin itch, the kind that hangs thick after bad news or fills the space between sobs 😶‍🌫️. My brain scrambles for something to say, anything to make the room breathe again 🫠. That’s usually when it happens, the laugh that doesn’t belong 🤦‍♀️.

That’s how grief sneaks in for me. Not as one emotion, but as the tension underneath everything 💭. It’s in that silence, that pressure to make things okay, that cocktail of sadness, guilt, and “I have no idea what to do right now” 😔.

When I realized that wasn’t necessarily normal (though not uncommon either), it hit me, grief is dimensional 💫. It doesn’t travel alone. It brings friends, it changes costumes, and unless you’re paying close attention, you never really know who’s talking 👀.

Now hear me out, because I’m about to take you on a metaphorical trip 🚀. Don’t panic, we’re all holding hands for this one 🤝. Think of grief in terms of one of the greatest cartoons ever made, The Smurfs 💙. (I know, I know, there are haters, but fine, they can be Gargamel if they want 🧙‍♂️.)

Grief shows up in all kinds of forms, kind of like each of the individual characters in the Smurf village 🏡. Some days you’re Grouchy 😠, mad at the world and yourself. Other days you’re Papa 🧔‍♂️, wise and accepting, trying to see the big picture. For me, when grief hits fast, I go full Handy 🔧, fixing, organizing, doing anything that looks like coping while quietly avoiding actually feeling.

The best part of this realization is knowing that whichever Smurf shows up, they are there for a reason 💪. Every emotion that comes with grief has a purpose and deserves to be felt 💖. It is okay when they appear, even if that means you are ugly crying in the carpool lane after school drop-off 🚗😭, pretending you are just really into your podcast 🎧. Grief does not care about timing or mascara 🫤. The magic is not in holding it together. It is in letting it all have space: the heartbreak 💔, the laughter 😂, the guilt 😔, the relief 😮‍💨.

Because in real life, emotions are not color coded or cartoon sized 🎨. They do not politely take turns or wait until you are ready 🕰️. They overlap, interrupt, and spill out at the worst times 😭. And no one skips around singing “La La La La” to pull you out of it 🎵. It is just you, giving every feeling a little room to exist until, somehow, they start to blend into something that almost feels whole again 🌈.

What is my point? Well, the reason I brought us on this little trip down memory lane is simple, to validate you and your emotions 💛. Society, our loved ones, and sometimes even our own inner critic like to tell us which feelings are acceptable and which ones we should hide 🤐. We start to believe it is not okay to lose our cool because the McDonald’s ice cream machine is broken again 🍦🚫. We judge ourselves for feeling too much or not enough, and that judgment convinces us we are doing something wrong 🫣.

But here is the thing. It is okay to be pissed about the ice cream machine 🍦. It is okay to feel disappointed, angry, or sad about things both, big and small. Just maybe do not take it out on the poor employee stuck breaking the bad news 🙃. Because that right there is the whole point. When we do not give our emotions space, they find it on their own 💥. That’s when we act out in places or on people we regret, stacking guilt and shame on top of feelings that were already heavy. I tell my children all the time, “You can deal with your feelings on your own schedule, or I promise they will find time to deal with you on theirs” 👏.

The thing about grief is that it does not always look like tears and tissues 🧻. Sometimes it is laughing at the wrong moment 🤷‍♀️. Sometimes it is anger that flares out of nowhere 😡, or guilt that sneaks in when you start to feel “okay” 😕. Grief never shows up alone. It brings guests like guilt, anger, confusion, and even relief, the one that feels uncomfortable to admit but still deserves to be there 🩵. Every feeling deserves a seat at the table 🍽️. When you stop trying to rank or silence them, you start to see how they blend, a messy and unpredictable rainbow of emotions that somehow still paints something whole 🌈.

And maybe that is the secret the Smurfs knew all along 💭. No single character carries the story 💙. It takes the whole chaotic village. Grief is no different. It is loud, it is imperfect, and sometimes it sings off key 🎶, but it is still a chorus of connection. So whatever version of you shows up today, Grouchy, Handy, Weepy, or Somewhere in Between Smurf, give them a wave 👋 and let them stay awhile. They are just trying to help you find your way back home 🏡✨.

Maybe the goal isn’t to chase grief away but to let it walk beside us, blue, messy, emotional, and real, until it becomes less of a villain and more of a companion that reminds us how deeply we’ve loved. Whether your day feels a little more Smurfette, all grace and resilience, or more Azrael, hissing at anyone who breathes too loud, give yourself grace. Both belong in the village 💅🐈💙.

Written by Stacy Dahlke, LPC, an EMDR-trained therapist helping anxious, overwhelmed adults in Wisconsin navigate trauma, identity shifts, adult ADHD, and the unpredictable patterns of grief.