The Space In Between

Change. It’s a dirty little word.

That’s really what a new beginning boils down to, right? Change. And yet, for something that’s such a natural part of life, it still feels so scary. Why does it hold so much power? Why do we fear it so much? 😨

Change can feel like a choice that has to happen, whether we’re ready for it or not. But it’s the intentional change—that’s where the fear really kicks in. ✨ The realization that we want something different, something more, or even just that we can’t keep going as we are—it’s overwhelming. And the thought that making a change might lead to things going wrong—why does that feel so gut-wrenching? 🤯

“I think I’m just scared. Scared that I might still be nothing.” (Good Will Hunting, 1997). 🎥

Damn you, Matt Damon, you and your “How do you like them apples” type of therapy. 🍏 This is it—the fear of failing, of being seen as a failure, this is at the crux of  our dilemma. What if I try and fall flat? What if everyone sees? 😳 Or worse—what if I have to feel it? 💔

When did failing—or, to be more honest, the implied sense of failure—become such a bad thing? 🤔

I know what you’re thinking, and no, I haven’t lost my mind! 🧠 This is a serious question: Who decided failing was bad? Or, even more so, what defines failing? Where is this failure measuring stick? 📏 I’ve never seen it.

I mean, if we look at it objectively, failing and succeeding must be on the same scale, with the assumption that most of us consider one side to be “good” and the other side to be “bad.” If that’s the case, what’s all that space in between? 🤯 It must be important, right? Dave Matthews sang a whole song about “The Space Between” (which is now it’s stuck in my head), so it has to be something. What if the space between was something to be admired rather than dreaded? 🌱

Why do we overlook “the space in between” when trying something new?

To be a master at anything, they say you need to devote 10,000 hours ⏳ of experience and energy into any skill. So, if we look at that dynamic, are all the 9,999 other hours considered failures and a waste of time? 😬 But if we’re spending those hours perfecting our skills and learning, aren’t we growing and getting better every single hour? 📈

Why do we let our investments in ourselves sometimes feel like we’re “sucking”? 🤷‍♀️ A professional athlete can take decades to become a “professional.” Does the fact that they aren’t a professional during some of those hours of mastery—prior to becoming “great”—mean they’ve somehow failed? Aren’t they still better than the average person? Does that mean they’ve succeeded or failed? And who gets to decide this?

The thoughts that hold us back:

So why does the process of learning and growing feel like failure? 😕 It’s these limiting beliefs, the fears, the “I’m not good enough” thoughts that can take control and keep us stuck. How many times have you let the “What ifs” spiral you into doubt? 🤔 What starts as a genius idea 💡 quickly becomes a slop bucket 🪣 of reasons why you’re not adequate enough to make it happen. That bucket of self-doubt is DEEP. It’s got everything from “Remember that time at 6th grade camp when you sucked at wrapping yarn around those popsicle sticks?” 🎨 to “Who would even want to hear what I have to say? 🗣️” Those thoughts haunt you 👻. And let’s not even talk about bringing others into your ideas—because they WILL have opinions. 🙄💭

Flowers grow in the space in between, why can’t people?

Tupac Shakur once talked about a flower growing out of concrete, which some might consider an enigma. However, we could consider it evidence that growth happens in that space in between. 🌸 Not to sound cliché, but there’s so much beauty in growth, and we, as humans, are often so busy completing our to-do lists 📋 that we rarely, if ever, stop and look back to see where we started, appreciating how far we’ve come.

How can we be proud of ourselves if we don’t look at what we’ve overcome? 🤷‍♀️Reflection is not just something that happens when you look in the mirror. 👀 It’s an opportunity—it’s a chance to evaluate and determine if you’re on track, if your goals are obtainable, or if you need to change direction. Reflection comes from checking into your progress 📈, being honest with yourself, and adjusting. Discovering things aren’t working out as planned, needing redirection, or even starting over doesn’t mean you’re failing. It means you’re learning. 🎓

Einstein defined insanity as trying the same thing repeatedly expecting different results. 🤯

I’ve named dropped some famous names today. You know what’s interesting? You know who they are—you’ve heard their names before. And guess what? You know their names because they’re amazing, but at one point in time, they too had a new beginning. 🌱 They took a chance. 💥 And guess what else? They all also “failed” or had setbacks at some point in time before their big successes.

So, get to the point already! Besides the point being be like Einstein, obviously! 🤓

Where is this going? Well, the painful truth is that at some point, we are all going to “fail” whether it’s in our own eyes or someone else’s. We’re going to fail to be the best 🏅, fail to immediately succeed 🏆, or even fail to begin 🔴—It’s inevitable.

But reframing how we view those feelings of failure—whether it’s the reality or the implied sense of it—that’s the key 🔑. It’s what we do with the knowledge we’ve learned from it that determines our growth 🌱, our success 💪, and how we feel about ourselves 🧠. In those dark moments of feeling like we’re afraid of our new beginning or starting over, I challenge you (better yet, you should challenge yourself) to look for your flower in the cement 🌸. Look for your growth. 🌱

Don’t let the negative ruin your reflection 🪞. There’s always a flower in the cement, sometimes it’s hard to find 🔍, and sometimes you have to pluck a seed out 🌱 and start brand new. But at the end of the day, your new beginning is simply waiting for your sunshine ☀️.

Let me know how this resonates with you.

In the comments, share how you have reframed some of your limiting beliefs or reflected upon some aspects or choices you have seen through a new lens or a different light. 💬