I Didn’t Start the Year Fresh. I Started It Aware.

I have been sick for most of the holiday season, which felt rude.
Not dramatic sick. Just sick enough to slow everything down and mess with my plans. Sick enough to remind me that my body does not care about calendars, fresh starts, or my personal goals for momentum. 🤧

So instead of ringing in the new year with clarity or motivation, I rang it in horizontal, slightly annoyed, and very aware of how much pressure we put on ourselves to start strong. But that could also be my ears talking, because they have not felt pressure like this in years. 😵‍💫

There is something about January that feels loud. 📣
Everyone is resetting, rebranding, resolving. Clean slates everywhere. New habits. New routines. New versions of ourselves that are apparently supposed to arrive well rested, emotionally healed, and ready to perform by January 2nd. ✨

Meanwhile, I was over here just trying to stay awake through a movie I had to rewind three times because I kept dozing off. Not because it was boring. But because I am one warm blanket away from a medically induced nap at all times now. 🛌

And honestly, that pause told me more than any reflection exercise ever has.

When everything slowed down, a few things got quieter too.
The urgency.
The need to explain myself.
The pressure to immediately make something out of the year like it’s a group project and everyone else already started. 📚

I did not feel inspired.
I did not feel behind either.
I just felt present in a way that is easy to miss when you are sprinting toward self-improvement like it’s an Olympic sport. 🏃‍♀️

I kept thinking about this idea of an emotional hangover. That weird space after you have felt a lot, processed a lot, survived a lot. Not hungover in a regret sense. More like your system is still recalibrating. 🧠

The noise has died down, but the residue is still there.

You are not in crisis anymore, but you are also not magically refreshed, which feels unfair, frankly, after all that emotional labor. 😮‍💨

Sort of like when you stub your toe and the pain goes away, but it stays sensitive for way longer than seems reasonable. You are technically fine, but also deeply aware of that toe at all times. 🦶

That is kind of where I am.

There are things from last year that did not get wrapped up neatly. Conversations that did not resolve. Questions that did not get answered. Versions of myself that quietly retired without a formal announcement or a farewell tour, which feels disrespectful after everything we went through together. 🎭

And instead of feeling the need to tie all of that up, I am noticing something else.

I do not feel the same urgency to fix it.

Some things that used to take up a lot of emotional real estate just do not anymore. Not because they stopped existing, but because I stopped carrying them the same way, which is wild, because I used to lug them around like emotional carry-on baggage with no wheels. 🧳

That feels like growth, even if it does not come with a motivational quote, a vision board, or a suspiciously beige Instagram graphic. 🙄

Being sick forced me to rest, but it also forced me to stop pretending that rest is something you earn after productivity. It reminded me that sometimes the most honest way to enter a new season is slowly. A little foggy. Without a plan. And possibly still in sweatpants. 👖

I am not starting this year with a resolution.
I am starting it with a question. ❓

What is next?

I do not know the answer yet. And shockingly, I am okay with that, which is new for me and should probably be documented. 📝

I have learned that not having a concrete goal does not mean I am drifting. It just means I am not forcing myself into a shape that no longer fits. Having a vision gives me enough structure to stand on and enough freedom to move. It lets me grow sideways, backwards, and occasionally in ways that do not make sense until later, or until I explain it to my therapist. 🛋️

If this year comes with a voice in my head, I hope it sounds less like urgency and more like Mr. Miyagi quietly saying, “Wax on.” 🥋
Not yelling. Not rushing. Just vaguely wise and mildly confusing.

Turns out, I do not need to know the whole plan. I just need to trust the practice. Trust myself. And maybe stop assuming that clarity has to arrive fully formed and on schedule. ⏳

Maybe that is the emotional hangover part.
Not regret.
Not chaos.
Just a quieter awareness of what no longer fits, what I am done carrying, and what I do not need to rush into understanding, for once in my life. 🌫️

I am not stepping into this year with answers.
I am stepping into it more honest than I was before. 🤍

And for right now, that feels like enough, which is saying something, coming from someone who usually wants a spreadsheet and a backup plan. 📊

How about you?
What does your New Year look like?
What questions are you asking yourself? 💭

Written by Stacy Dahlke, LPC, an EMDR-trained therapist helping anxious, overwhelmed adults in Wisconsin navigate trauma, identity shifts, and adult ADHD.