I Thought I’d Have My Sh!t Together By Now……Spoiler: I Do Not

There’s something nobody tells you about adulthood. Not the part where middle age starts being a different number 🎂. Not the part where you develop a favorite grocery store 🛒. Not even the part where lower back pain becomes a personality trait 😩.

Nope, the real surprise is this……Most of us are just making it up as we go and hoping nobody notices 🤷🏼‍♀️.

I used to think grown-ups were… well, grown up. Clipboards. Matching socks. Knowing how long chicken stays good in the fridge without sniffing it first 🐔👃.

Then I became one and realized I’m constantly looking around for a more adulty adult 👀. And honestly? It feels like everyone else is too.

Some people just disguise it better.
Color-coded calendars 📅
Emotional regulation 😌
Reusable water bottles with motivational timestamps 💧✨.

Meanwhile I’m over here calling my printer names because it’s “offline again,” 🖨️😡 and wondering how many times one person can say, “Where’s my phone?” while actively holding it 📱🙃

Adulthood is not the polished “life plan” we imagined in the 90s….Which is hilarious when you remember we grew up in a decade whose best safety strategy was, “It’s 10 PM. Do you know where your kids are?” 📺 Like… why didn’t you??

Back then we thought we’d grow up rich and marry our favorite boy-bander 🎤💘. Instead we got anxiety 😬, a cell phone bill with seventeen mysterious fees 💸, and the creeping realization that Tupperware lids vanish into a different dimension 🌀

We thought we’d be dependable, stable, emotionally regulated adults. Instead many of us are one dishwasher full of dirty dishes away from questioning every choice we’ve ever made 🍽️🔥.

And here’s the wildest part: This still counts as progress ✔️

Not the inspirational kind.
Not the Pinterest-worthy kind 📌
The “I didn’t lose my sh!t today even though it tried me” kind 🏆.

It’s progress when you can laugh at yourself 😂
It’s progress when you handle something mildly inconvenient without spiraling 😮‍💨
It’s progress when you remember you don’t need to have everything figured out to be a functioning human 🧠

Adulthood, it turns out, is less about being “put together,” and more about being resourceful 🛠️.

Like:
• Knowing where the good scissors are hidden ✂️
• Accepting that half your personality is caffeine ☕
• Understanding socks in the dryer are casualties of war 🧦⚔️
• Pretending to be confident while having absolutely no clue what you’re doing 😎.

And here’s the part that matters, quietly, without the self-help sparkle ✨🚫
You’re not behind.
You’re human 💛.

Being human has never once required perfection. If anything, the messiness is evidence you’re actually living, not rehearsing 🎭.

So yeah, maybe we thought we’d have it all figured out by now. But honestly? I kind of like this version better 🖤

It’s real.
It’s ridiculous.
It’s held together with humor, impulsive decisions,
and the emotional stamina of teenagers playing video games 🎮😵.

And somehow… it works.

And maybe that’s the real magic of aging and changing, not just age, but experiences, relationships, and all those tiny reflections where you realize,
“Oh… I’m not who I used to be.” 🔄

We all have regrets…..
I grew up in the 80s, so trust me, there’s photographic evidence of mine 📸…..The bangs 💇‍♀️……The hairspray 🌪️……..The ozone layer 😬.

But here’s the thing about growing up, aging, or simply changing:
It’s okay 🫶

It’s okay to think differently than you used to.
It’s okay to outgrow things you thought were forever.
It’s okay to decide you want more 🌱.

Nothing has to be permanent, not even tattoos, apparently 🖋️😏.

Self-reflection lets us be honest with ourselves. It lets us evaluate who we are, who we were, and who we want to be next ➡️.

Maybe you look at Tina in the staff meeting, with her perfectly curled hair 💁‍♀️, and her impeccable punctuality ⏰, and think, “I want to be more like her.” Great. Be like Tina.

The magic is in asking yourself why:
Why does this matter to me? 🤔
Why do I suddenly care about Tina’s conference-room note aesthetics? 📝

And then you get to choose what to do about it…
Quietly 🤫
Privately 🔒
Without an audience or votes from the peanut gallery 🍿.

That’s the point.

We’re not stuck in emotional quicksand unless we stay there 🫠. Wanting to change is growth 🌿. Seeing that you have changed is growth
Even standing still is growth if you’re doing it on purpose 🧍‍♀️.

Comparing yourself to others doesn’t have to mean you’re “less than.” Sometimes it just means something in you wants more ✨.

And here’s the secret:
If you want more…
You deserve more 💥

And if you don’t…
You’re good there too 🖤

Written by Stacy Dahlke, LPC, EMDR-trained therapist helping anxious, overwhelmed adults in Wisconsin navigate trauma, identity shifts, and adult ADHD.