The Quiet Shifts That Change Us

When we think of evolution, we picture cavemen discovering fire or someone growing opposable thumbs. Dramatic stuff. Obvious stuff. 🔥🧠

But most of our personal evolution is much quieter than that. It happens in inches, not miles, slow enough that we don’t even realize we’re becoming someone different. 🌱

Take something as simple as the things we’re drawn to. I didn’t consciously decide to become interested in the things I love now. I didn’t wake up one morning and think, “Today is the day I become this version of myself.”

It happened slowly, in the background of everyday life. One small choice, one new curiosity, one shift at a time.

And then one day, I looked around and realized the person I was ten years ago would barely recognize the woman standing here now. This person likes birdwatching and documentaries… ummm… let’s keep that just between us though. 🐦📺

Not because she made a dramatic announcement or reinvented herself in a movie-montage sort of way… but because she allowed herself to grow without sending out a public memo. ✨

Weight gain, for example, doesn’t announce itself politely. There’s no warning bell. One day you’re living your best life, eating Little Debbie Christmas Tree Cakes, and just in case you’re wondering, they are back in stores 🎄✨.

The next you’re in your bedroom arguing with a pair of jeans that fit perfectly last month but now require Olympic strength and controlled breathing to button. Evolution doesn’t care about your self-esteem or your denim budget. 😅👖

That’s the strange part about change.
You don’t notice it until something forces you to see it. 👀 For me, it wasn’t a crisis or a big emotional breakthrough. It was something embarrassingly ordinary.

I walked into a situation the old version of me would’ve handled by apologizing, overexplaining, and shrinking herself just to keep the peace. But this time, I didn’t do any of that. I didn’t force myself to be smaller or quieter or easier. I handled it calmly, honestly, and without turning myself into an emotional doormat trying to keep the room comfortable. ✨

It wasn’t bravery.
It wasn’t confidence.
It was… different.
It was new.
It was evolution. 🌱✨

And in that moment, it hit me in the face:
I wasn’t the old me anymore. 💥

And honestly, this is probably why making decisions feels so intimidating. Every choice creates some kind of shift. Every yes and every no nudges us toward a different version of ourselves.

We might tell ourselves we’re scared of choosing wrong, but sometimes we’re really scared of what choosing will change for us, including our comfort level. 🌀

Predictability might be boring, but it can feel incredibly safe… especially when you’ve lived through changes you never signed up for. That’s why a lot of times we resist intentional change. 🛑➡️

We think change requires intention, but most of the time it just requires time. Life works on us slowly. Our experiences carve out space. Our hurts make room for boundaries we didn’t have before. Our hopes shift.

Our priorities rearrange themselves quietly, almost disrespectfully, the way pants shrink after they’ve been in the dryer. 🤦‍♀️👖

And because we’re used to ourselves, we don’t recognize the shift until we bump into a moment that exposes it. Evolution is usually invisible in real time. You don’t always see the shift until something opens your eyes to a new piece of who you’ve become. 🌟

Remember those Hypercolor shirts from the nineties? They changed color when they got warm or cold. Magical for about five minutes… until you realized they also announced your armpit temperature to the entire homeroom. 🥵😂 And then you’d step outside into the cold, and suddenly the whole shirt changed again like it was magic… but also a little chaotic. Just like us. 🎨✨

That’s the real surprise of evolution.
It’s subtle until it isn’t.
It’s invisible until it shows its face.
It’s gradual until it becomes undeniable. 💫

And noticing that change, finally acknowledging it, this is the first step in accepting who we’re becoming, even if we didn’t do it on purpose. 💛

I’m starting the month of December with evolution because it feels like the right way to close out this year. Not with pressure to overhaul ourselves or tie everything up in a neat bow, but with acknowledgment.

We’ve all been changing quietly in the background, through the choices we made, the ones we avoided, the moments that pushed us forward, and the ones that held us still. ✨

Noticing that change is how we end the chapter. 📖
Accepting it is how we begin the next one. ✨

And that’s what this month is about, recognizing the version of ourselves that’s been forming all along, and finally giving her the space to exist or potentially deciding we want to make some of those intentional changes you’ve been hearing about. 🌿

Before we fling ourselves into a new year full of big expectations and even bigger to-do lists, take a second to notice the ways you’ve already changed without your consent…..

The boundaries that popped up or loosened more than you meant to.
The patience you lost or gained.
The things you finally admitted you were done with or maybe still working through. 🧩

Congratulations… you’ve been evolving behind your own back. 🎉🌿

This month, we’re going to reflect not on the year itself, but on us, who we became over the last twelve months, who we’d like to become next year, and how to be okay with whoever that person is.

And when you look back, you might be surprised by how much you carried and how much you shifted. No wonder you’ve been so exhausted… you’ve been busy creating a whole new version of you, and she is adorable. 💕✨

Written by Stacy Dahlke, LPC, an EMDR-trained therapist helping anxious, overwhelmed adults in Wisconsin navigate trauma, identity shifts, and adult ADHD.